When I first heard that Bryce Harper had charged the mound, I had extremely low expectations.  I expected a big tickle fight with no punches thrown from the sissy, self-absorbed metrosexual.  But boy was I wrong.  This fight was everything we could have asked for and more.  Both players got a good shot in and gave us some good action before the cleared benches got in there to break it up.  The only thing missing from this Memorial Day Slobberknocker was Jim Ross commentating.

Take a look for yourself.

Lets peel back the layers and break this fight down to it’s core.

As you can clearly see, Hunter Strickland winds up and aims straight for Harper’s dick with a 2 seamer. Some may call that a dirty, but that’s just called playing hard where I’m from. Especially on Memorial Day when the troops are tuned in.

You know shit was about to pop off after Harper got hit because the announcer couldn’t even put together a full sentence. All he could muster up was one word.

“History!”

Not the best start to charging the mound for your boy Harper.  He winds up to throw his helmet, which is a good strategy, but the execution was just piss poor.  He let his anger and frustration take over his mechanics and form.  A mistake he would shortly pay for.

As you can see, the helmet was jussssst a bit outside.  That helmet toss was as wild as 50 Cent or John Wall’s opening pitches, and about as accurate as (Insert Jets QB name here) throwing a simple 5 yard slant.

However, let the record show that Harper should be granted 2 for Strickland clearly flinching.  Lets be honest though, with a name like Hunter, no cowardly act should really come as a surprise to any of us.

Wait a minute!  I spoke too soon!  Hunter looks like he has some dawwwg in him!  Strickland may have turned his back to Harper to conceal the right jab he’s about to deliver to Bryce’s front doorstep.  Berry berry sneaky Hunter. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Strickland.

As great of a punch as that was by Hunter, you have to give credit to Bryce for just eating it, thanking Strickland, and politely asking if he may have another.

A great retaliating right hook from Harper. Pow! Right in the kisser! Look at Harpers flow too.  What the fuck is that thing?  The velocity, inertia, and other scientific terms you probably wouldn’t understand blowing his hair in all sorts of different directions. If I didn’t know any better I would say that it looks as if Harper has a street legal rat tail.

All in all, a great fight that had more action than the Floyd vs. Manny paperview.  Too many times we’ve seen the “hold me back” altercations in the MLB where the benches clear but nothing happens.

Not today though.  Today, our troops deserved better, and god damnit they got it.  So on behalf of America, from sea to shining sea, I’d like to thank Bryce Harper and Hunter Strickland.

P.S.

Shoutout to that home plate ump who was just chilling the whole time.  If you watch the video again and just focus on the ump, it’s great.  When Harper first gets hit, the ump starts to jog out, but as soon as Harper decides to charge the mound is the exact moment when the ump says to himself “Fuck It” and proceeds to to enjoy his front row seat to the action.

I know people say that violence doesn’t solve anything, but it very well may be the solution to MLB’s declining popularity.

Advertisements